Jumping Through Hoops

So after receiving the news that I have active Crohn's, I have had quite a few doctor's appointments. To be allowed to start on the immuran, we needed to make sure that my potassium problem has nothing to do with my kidneys. So I had to go see a nephrologist. The good news is that my kidneys are fine. My potassium is still up and down, but it seems to be all related to the Crohn's. That is somewhat good news. I also had to go and see a rhumatologist. More good news there. No sign of lupus. No sign of arthritis. My joint pain also seems to be tied to the active Crohn's. So the big hope is that if the immuran works and gets the disease under control, we can fix some of the other problems.

My doctor is so concerned about the active Crohn's because I have so little small intestines left. We are planning on treating me aggressively. That does concern me on so many levels, but I know that the aggressive treatment is better than the alternative. If I really sit down and think about all of this, I feel overwhelmed. It is so much to take in and understand. And I am scared. I put on a brave face and smile, but inside, I am afraid. I am scared of a life cut short and not being there for my children as they grow up. I am scared of being here, but being too sick to take care of my kids. But I know if I just sit and dwell on it all, it will drive me crazy. So I try not to think about it and I try to just deal with it all when it happens.

A friend posted something on Facebook the other day that I stole for my status. It is so true though. And it is something that I remind myself of daily right now. Here it is:

I don't have guts, I have Crohn's Disease. It has taken my guts and replaced it with more strength than just guts. I have had a long battle and without that strength I would have never made it. Crohn's has taken a lot from me, but it has given me things that no normal person will ever have. I have the strength, will, and determination to fight with everything I have to make through the day. Everyday that I wake up, I get even stronger. Never give up and know that one day we will win this war!

I just need to remember it.