Choices

I got some bad news recently. Now I am struggling with how to move forward. I know the right answer, but I have to admit the answer scares me a little.

At my last remicade appointment, I got the results of my MRI. For the first time since I started remicade (almost 9 years ago now), I have signs of active Crohn's disease. The disease activity is not extensive, but it is enough to be concerned about. Since I am on the maximum dose of remicade, increasing my dose is not an option. My options are to come off remicade and try humeria or cimezia (pardon the spelling if they are wrong), stay on remicade and add immuran, or wait it out. Since waiting it out is really not a good option, I have two options. They all come with risks.

Coming off remicade and trying either humeria or cimezia means giving up on the only drug that has ever kept my Crohn's under control. And if I am off remicade for over a year I am very likely to develop an allergic reaction to it and will not be able to take remicade ever again. My doctor feels that coming off the remicade is not a good option at this point. As long as it is still working, he feels like we should stick with it rather than take the chance of trying something new that will not work.

Adding immuran also poses health risks. My chance of developing colon cancer increases. I am already at risk because of long term Crohn's, but will be adding to my risk by taking immuran. I will need to have a colonoscopy yearly instead of every other year. I will also be at risk for long term liver damage. There will be LOTS of blood work to monitor my liver function.

I have thought long and hard about my choices and really, I guess the answer is easy. I will take the long term risks. I still remember being so sick I could not function. I can't go back to that place. I can't be a mother to my babies if I am that sick. I can't be a wife to Jim if I am that sick. So, I will probably be starting the immuran in the next few months. I am going to hope that it will put the Crohn's back into remission. I am going to pray for everything to be fine and for no complications.

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy everyday I have with my family. My life has been blessed beyond my wildest imagination. I have more than I ever dreamed I would. And I realize what a gift I have been given.