Part of the Past

I've been thinking a lot again. Maybe there really is something to the saying about friends. You know the one...friends for a reason or a season. And as I look around I am seeing that it seems like most of my friends are seasonal friends. I thought I had that person I could count on, that unshakable friendship, that person who would never let me down. But as I look around, I notice I am alone. And it hurts. I know everyone is busy with life. And I understand that life is hard. And yes, I am blessed, I have a pretty good life. I reach out for my friend though and I come up empty handed. There is no time for me. But somehow there is time for new friends, there is time for a new life. Maybe it is just that I am not a part of that life. Maybe I am hanging onto something that I just need to let go of. I do know I am tired of being hurt. I am tired of "seeing" things going on that I am not a part of, yet you have no time for me. I am a good person and a damn fine friend. I know that about myself. I am tired of watching the door for you to come through it. I cried this year for my birthday. You were not a part of it and it hurt. Maybe you didn't even notice. I reached out, and got nothing back. I miss you and everything we used to be and do. Maybe you don't miss it or me. Maybe you have moved on. Maybe someone has filled the void for you. For me, there is still this big empty hole. And when no one is around, I cry. You used to see past my smile to the tears underneath. Now you are the reason for the tears underneath. Does it matter to you at all? Or am I nothing more than part of the past? Have I been left behind along with everything else? I guess I have. And I am just too stupid and stubborn to let go...until now. Now, I am done....I guess I will just be content to be part of the past. A friend for a reason or a season. You are the only one with that answer. I thought you were my friend for life. It hurts to be wrong.