Birthday Blues

So my birthday is this weekend. I should be excited. I should be happy. I'm not. Instead, I am feeling blue. Don't get me wrong, I am not upset about getting older. I am not blue about adding another year to my life. But this year it just doesn't feel like something to celebrate. Maybe it is just another sign to me. The "clue" that things here have changed and shifted. Maybe it is me realizing how small my circle of friends has become. Maybe it is realizing that I am little more than an option to most of the people around me. And while I accept that, it still hurts. Maybe it is me missing people who I care about so much, and they are so far from me. I don't know. But this year, I have the birthday blues. It just feels like it will be nothing but another day, no reason to celebrate and nothing special. Maybe it is just that I am not feeling very special right now.

So, Saturday I will be 42. Yay? Yes, I am thrilled to be 42. But I doubt anyone else will even notice or care. Happy Birthday to me.