"Fitting" In

Often I wonder where I "fit" in the grand scheme of things. I know where I fit as a mom. I know where I fit as a wife. I am comfortable with those parts of my life. I know I struggle with those roles, but at the end of the day, I know I am a mom and a wife. And I cherish those roles.

It is everywhere else in my life that I question. I wonder about my friendships. Am I a good friend? Do I demand too much? Am I a hard person to be around? Do I expect too much from myself? Do I expect too much from my friends? Do I give back as much as I ask? Or do I take more? I think I am a good person. But often wonder if I allow myself to be "used". I know that I am a very forgiving person. People hurt me and I forgive them and let them back into my heart. Maybe not the best plan, but it is part of who I am. Jim says that it allows me to be hurt too often and deep down I know he is right. But I also know that I can't change that part of me. I always want to see the good in people.

I question who I am as a woman. Who is Pam? Did I lose her somewhere along the way? At the end of the day, I am Christopher and Caitlin's mom. I am Jim's wife. But who am I outside of that? What are my "gifts"? I guess it really is true that you are always growing and always changing. You are shaped by everything around you. And since life never stops, and is always changing, so are we.

Maybe I will never really have the answers. And I guess that if at the end of the day, I am happy, it doesn't really matter. I do believe that we are all in search of who we are and where we "fit" in. The first step is being happy with who you are and comfortable going on the search.